The Brother's Grim series
by Spike's Little Brother
Summary: Post Wrecked - Chapter Two is now up (sorry for the long wait)
1. Prologue - The Fall

Prologue - The Fall   
  
Disclaimer/Author's Note: None of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer characters or the Angel characters belong to me, the Order of Taraka Guild itself belongs like the rest to Joss Whendon; I like soooo many fanfic authors before are borrowing them for my own evil diabolical use *WEG*, though I do have something far better in mind then ole Jossy-boy, who imho has gone toooo far on the Spike bashing, and not far enough on the Willow bashing. Now I realize that there are Willow-fans out there and all, but I just do not like the whole magic addicted Willow that is there now. Anyways on with the fic, ohh just so you all know, I have Angel as Spike's sire, not Dru.  
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He just couldn't take it anymore, not the heartache, the grief, the sadness, the betrayal, the loneliness, and certainty not the rejection. Spike just could not take another rejection; he was no one's whipping boy, no one's. Not Angelus's, not Darla's, no one's! *Not anymore, not after I spent years makin' sure that would never 'appen again* He thought to himself as he stood there underneath the window and watched as Buffy Summers; the person who had made him feel human, the person who had once treated him like a man once shut him out of her life again.   
  
First it had been Cecily, who had looked down on him because of his social stature and because of his shy, stuttering nature. Then it had been Drusilla who had left both because he'd gone too soft to be the demon she had wanted, and because of the person who he now was in love with; the person who thought he was too much of a demon for her likes.   
  
Above all it made Spike angry, angry and hurt, a pain coursing through him worse then the torture he'd received from Glory, and almost worse then the pain of losing Buffy. It galled him to think how women could just put him down, how they could just deem him ... beneath them, how they could make him feel less then a person.   
  
"No more" he hissed to himself, "no more 'eartache, no more bleedin' judgments 'bout 'ow I feel an' 'ow wrong it is" he said to himself as he turned and left before the sun could rise and turn him to nothing more then a pile of ash, unwanted and unloved by most everyone, well save for Dawn, and three others ... But those others he had to remind himself, were not here, nor would he probably see or talk to them again, unless it was phone or computer.   
  
Oddly enough it wasn't just the rejection that hurt Spike, it was the ache, the pain he felt, the knowledge that he would always be alone, never good enough for anyone, never able to be truly evil as his sire Angelus had been, never able to be totally with Buffy and her friends, and never able to be with his family, both his undead and real family.  
  
And so Spike cried, tears falling, tears breaking the ground as he, the once proud and haughty vampire focused on the pain of never fitting in for very long; of never being wanted. Everywhere he looked he saw happy families, lovers, vampire gangs feeding, demons prowling yet this time he did nothing to stop them, did nothing to intervene. His hatred for the race that had made him feel like the wanker that he was growing by leaps and bounds.  
  
Dimly the platinum blonde vampire recalled entering his crypt just as the sun broke, he looked all around him then angrily wiped the blood-tears from his face as he descended the ladder to the cavern below. He smiled bitterly as he looked at the wine rack to his left, the various bottles that littered the cavern, the pool table that Harris had helped him build (after Dawn had insisted that Spike have something to do aside from watching the telly), the television set upstairs next to his bed, the two refrigerators that Spike had stolen, the computer which he had also lifted from the same technology and appliance store, and finally the four desk tables that surrounded the computer, the desk it was on, and the chair in front of it.  
  
He smiled a little at the thought of Dawn caring enough to help him do a bit of shopping for his crypt and for nagging Xander into building that pool table, Dawn if anything was the only friend he had here, now that Joyce was gone, and who knew how long that would last; especially given the way Buffy had shut him out. Idly he once again wondered if staking himself or going out to see the sunlight for the last time was the best thing, Dawn would be the only here that would miss him, especially now that Buffy had decided to hide from how she felt again.   
  
"It'd kill Dawn" he mused sadly, knowing that if anything Dawn deserved better then what fate, God, the powers or whomever the wanker or chit was that ran the whole order, and despite the rest of it, Spike had always thought that it wasn't the powers or fate that did run the show.   
  
If it was God who was running the show, Spike had to wonder what the bloke's ultimate plan was regarding himself, Buffy, Dawn, Angel, Dru and the rest. "An' the nibblet doesn't deserve anymore pain" he said as he switched on the cd player that Dawn had helped him steal and the Sex Pistols Song "Anarchy in the UK" began to play, the sound blaring through the speakers while Spike scrolled down the list, turned down the volume a bit, and then put in the song "I'm not your Steppin' Stone"   
  
"Yea', tha's 'ow I am right 'bout now" he muttered darkly as he withdrew a cigarette, then his silver lighter and finally lite up. "Wish the feelin' could just up an' go away" he said while getting a bottle of Jack Daniel's out and then taking a long stiff drink from the bottle, the contents burning a hole down his dead gullet. "An' all 'cause I'm a slave to some stupid emotions which keep me comin' back for more punishment!" he hissed angrily as he sat down, the tears streaming down his face as he fell into a bitter and angst-filled sleep, one in which he was reminded that the dream he had with Buffy would never come true, no matter how many times he tried to tell her.   
  
***************  
She slept alone, still tossing and turning as the images of her night with Spike flooded her mind, of how hurt he had seemed when she had made her comments, only to have them thrown back in her face by the very same person she had been stupid enough to sleep with.   
  
"Yeah that's me, a big world of stupidity," Buffy said as she woke up briefly and looked outside to see Spike walking away from her house, his walk and head held down, as if in defeat and sadness. "Ohh like that's going to make me feel sorry for him!" she snorted as she went back to bed. *He'd be doing me a favor if he staked himself* she thought to herself and tried to get back to sleep, angry at Spike and herself for making her feel the way she felt about him.   
  
"Why couldn't he just leave or move on?" she asked herself inwardly, looking wildly at the garlic and crosses that surrounded her room, and the one in her hands. Despite all her planning, both items didn't offer her much in the way of comfort.   
  
Nor did the words she'd spoken, all it did was make her feel like she had made a mistake, and that was something Buffy was tired of doing. "And plus he doesn't love me, no matter what he says!" she said to herself, trying to get her mind off Spike, and the accident that had been Willow's fault. "How could I have been sooo stupid and blind?" she asked herself as she thought back and tried to look for signs that Willow had started becoming addicted to magic.   
  
Other then Spike telling her about the warlock known as Rack and her finding Dawn and Willow injured and about to be killed by an unknown demon there was a huge blank on that part. There was also the detail that Willow's lover Tara had apparently left because of how out of control Willow had become, and that Willow had convinced Xander, Anya, and Tara to use dark magics to tear Buffy out of heaven itself, and back into her dead body.   
  
Inwardly she shuddered at the thought of being forced to tear herself out of her own grave, fearing that she had been turned into a vampire, fearing that she would be trapped in her own coffin. Where had she and her friends gone wrong? She thought to herself, *when did we fall? Where did we go wrong? * She pondered as she tossed again in her sleep.   
  
As if in a whisper the answer came ... Glory, Glorificus, the beast, she who could not be named. The hellgoddess had almost killed her sister and all of her friends, Tara had been brainsucked, Spike had been tortured, Xander and the others had been forced to see her fall apart when Glory had taken control of the body she and Ben had been sharing and then had kidnapped Dawn.   
  
Even after she had snapped out of it, things had gone bad, first her friends had to face Glory's minions; Spike had been knocked to the ground while trying to save Dawn, Dawn had been slashed by a demon named Doc and then after Buffy had killed Doc, the portal had opened ... and she had jumped in order to save the world.   
  
Spike ... she tried to rid herself of the thoughts of the bleached blond vampire but to no avail, he was there inside her thoughts and ... her feelings. And she, Buffy hated it, she hated how she could have feelings of need, want and ... one she didn't want to think about involving William the Bloody in anyway.   
  
"I am soo not falling for him," she said as she went to sleep, trying to banish her traitorous thoughts altogether...  
  
**************  
Spike looked at the bottle before him then threw it into a wall, "nothin' ever bloody well goes right in this soddin' excuse for a town" he snarled angrily before tears began to fall from his eyes again, he hated what Buffy had done to him, and he hated himself for feeling the way he did.   
  
It was almost as if he was cursed to be rejected by women for his entire existence, and that thought did not sit well with William the Bloody, nor did the way the Slayer had rejected him, and above all it didn't sit well with him that he knew that Angelus if he did the same things would have been forgiven no matter what.  
  
"Time I stop bein' a wanker an' leave this bloody town an' all the 'icks that live 'ere," he said to himself as sleep claimed his weary bones, and his thoughts turned to Buffy once more, and tears came once again to the once proud vampire's eyes... 


	2. Chapter One - The Wages of Sin

Chapter One - The Wages of Sin  
  
Disclaimer: Again I dun own any of the Buffy cast or the Angel cast, this btw is an x-over with Angel the series, again they all belong to Joss (sadly) now if I owned them this series would be far more interesting. Scythe and Azrael are the only ones I own. Well make that just Scythe, Az belongs to my friend Azzy, love ya sis ^_^ - This chapter is going to be one of many dedicated to my online family and my girlfriend Nightstalker. Love you honey - get online NOW!!!  
  
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*Stupid Willow and her magics* the girl thought bitterly as she looked down at her arm, Willow had tried to talk to her earlier, but had stopped when Dawn had just closed the door on her face. *It's her fault, and Buffy's and Xandar's, and Anya's and Tara's* Dawn Summers thought bitterly as she looked at her broken arm.  
  
She was sick and tired of everyone treating her as a kid, sick of everyone not noticing her, even whenever she stole things, sure she didn't have money and sure it was wrong, but still she wanted her sister and her sister's friends to notice her, to realize that she wasn't some little three year old who needed a nanny constantly, that she understood things a lot better then they ever gave her credit for understanding the madness that was life in Sunnydale.  
  
A desperate cry for attention that's what it all was. For her it was always, ohh Buffy's a smart girl, and Dawn your just a little kid who doesn't know about these things blah blah blah. She thought bitterly as she looked at her arm and the purple cast that held it in place.  
  
The only one who had ever really seen her for herself was Spike, he was her best and only friend (at least among the people Buffy knew) he'd been there for her whenever she'd needed him, the same had been true for Buffy. No matter what else, Spike had always been there for them and he'd been the only one to not treat her like a baby.  
  
She'd seen the way he'd turned and left, the way he looked defeated, something was up, and she was planning on finding out - question was how to do it without everyone else trying to stop her, or fawning over her like she was a little kid.  
  
The window called to her, she'd once seen Buffy climb out of her window whenever she needed to leave for somewhere, and for a moment she contemplated going to see her best friend, before she shook that thought away. *He's probably got something better to do then talk to me* she thought bitterly.  
  
"Dawn?" Willow asked as she came in the room, "I - I - I - I - I'm so-" she started to say before Dawn held up a hand.  
  
"Don't, you knew full well what you were doing; you hurt me by making the choice to go there, just as you did by pulling Buffy out of heaven, messing with all of our minds, honestly I don't understand how everyone can just forgive you like that. You played God in people's lives - that's just as bad as what the Initiative did to Spike or what the Nazis did." She said as she looked at Willow. "You broke my trust and faith in you Willow, and you broke Tara's as well." She said before Willow slapped her.  
  
"Dawn - th-th-tha-that-tha-that's enough!" Willow said her eyes starting to flare angrily, "my intentions wer-"  
  
"Your intentions were selfish, purely selfish!" Dawn said angrily as she held her hand to her cheek. "You did it because *YOU* wanted to do it, not because of anything else!" She said before Buffy entered the room.  
  
"Dawn what's going on?" her sister asked  
  
Upon seeing Buffy, Willow broke down and Buffy glared at her sister who glared back as Willow ran from the room.  
  
"Dawn what said to her was uncalled for," Buffy said in that "I'm you're older sister I know more then you" tone of hers.  
  
"Like her slapping me wasn't? Or her acting all sympathetic and manipulative to get your attention wasn't?" Dawn shot back as she glared at her sister. "I suppose if it were Spike, or Faith, or someone you didn't let into your little club then you would judge them!" She said angrily as she folded her arms across her chest.  
  
"Spike's a demon and Faith-"  
  
"Spike's been here for me then you or your friends Buffy. Hell his friends (what few of them that are left) have been nice to me, so don't tell me that he's any different from anyone else!" She said. "Better yet I've read the things he did and listened to his stories, he was nothing compared to Angelus or Anya, or to some of the humans who kill, rape and hurt others." She said as she tried to get a handle on her anger.  
  
At that Buffy looked at her sister angrily. "Dawn? Enough? You are not to go anywhere near him again." She said. "He's a soulless monster"  
  
At that something snapped inside Dawn and she shoved her sister out of the room. "You bloody well shut yer gob! You aren't Mom and you can't tell me what to do so get the hell out of my room!" she snapped before locking the door, leaving Buffy standing right outside in shock before she turned and fled back to her room in order to cry.  
  
"Screw this" Dawn said before she got up, opened up her window and left, right now she needed to be with a friend and cool down...  
  
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She found him a few minutes later as he sat there on a tombstone waiting for the sun to arise. "What do you think you are doing?" She demanded as she stared at her friend.  
  
"Waitin' fer the sun nibblet." Spike answered truthfully before Dawn's tiny fist caught him in the jaw and he staggered back and fell off the stone and onto the hard grassy ground. "Oww bloody 'ell!" Spike said as he rubbed his jaw, it was still sore from Buffy hitting him it seemed.  
  
"How could you?" Dawn screamed as she began to cry before the platinum blonde vampire sighed then hugged her. "You're all I have left Spike, mom's gone, Buffy's all on the Willow bandwagon and Tara left." She said as she sobbed, "I can't lose you too!" she replied.  
  
"What do ya want me to do Dawn? I don't 'ave anythin' left. Buffy 'ates my bleedin' guts, I'm a disgrace to demons everywhere, the scoobies 'ate me too, I've got this friggin' chip in me 'ead an' my own sire 'ates me!" He said as he cried tears of blood.  
  
"But I love you, you are my best and only friend." Dawn protested, as she looked at him her eyes pleading with him.  
  
"Don't look at me like that nibblet!" Spike said as he cringed upon seeing her "puppy dog" look. "I can't go through with this 'nymore, seein' Buffy, but never bein' apart o' 'er life. Seein' vampires out tryin' to raise 'ell, while I can't." He said as tears of blood began to fall once more. "I do no' 'ave a place in this world no'more, an' I'm right pathetic for even tryin'" he said before Dawn looked at him, tears in her own eyes.  
  
"What about me Spike?" she cried as she hugged him tightly. "I'm all alone; Buffy cares about Willow and her friends more then she does for me, I don't have anyone else!" she said as she began to sob in his arms. "YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME!!" she said as she cried over and over, afraid for him and for herself.  
  
"I don't know if there's anythin' else left to do lille' bit," he told her, "I 'aven't got anythin' left no'more." He said in a resigned tone.  
  
"Oooohh so that just makes it all better?" Dawn demanded bitterly. "You said you would protect me until the end of the world and now you want to just give up and die because Buffy's a manipulative whore?" she said angrily before Spike glared at her. "What? You know it's true!!" she snapped.  
  
"I know nibblet, I know," he said with a sigh. "An' I'm wonderin' if she'll ever change, if she'll ever see that I can love, that I can care 'bout others beside myself." He told her, "an' that she'll realize that just because someone's 'uman an' soulful doesn't mean that they are good." He told her. "But I doubt she will Dawn; an' the thing o' it is she reminds me so much of Cecily." He said before she hiccuped and fell asleep in his arms. "Bloody 'ell" he said with a bitter laugh.  
  
"Bloody 'ell indeed Billy." A voice simular to Spike's yet younger retorted and Spike turned to see someone he thought he'd never see again… 


End file.
